What are the keys to be happy?

Yes, that is a difficult question. Or not so difficult to answer to it but difficult to reach the happiness. Or are you really happy when you say yourself that today I will think positively or today I'm gonna do something that makes someone else happy so that I can be happy too? Of course, it is not just that you have to say it, but you have to also follow the goals of happiness. 

I found great examples to help you reach happiness in a article "10 keys to happier living based on self-acceptance". I will only mention few of them, because the article seems to mainly focus on to that how to reach happiness based on self-acceptance. Of course I do not deny that self-acceptance is not an important thing to pay attention to and one key to happier life. Of course it is. Loving others is easier when you have accepted yourself as the way you are. But that's my opinion... However there are couple of keys mentioned by follow: giving (=do things for others), relating (=connect with people), exercising (=take care of your body), appreciating (=notice the world around), trying out (=keep learning new things), direction (=have goals to look forward to), emotion (=take a positive approach) and acceptance (=be confortable with who you are). Those keys the writer of the article Christopher Bergland has found from a framework created by Karen Pine and her colleagues. Those same keys are mentioned also on a website "Action for happiness".

I think all the keys mentioned above are important. I have really been delighted when I have made my neighbor happy by giving a gift that delighted he or she. Connecting people is important, because without connections you are probably very lonely. Of course, it is not easy to make connections to people, especially creating long-lasting relationships is very hard. But maybe with tough work you will achieve some results... Exercising is great definitely for your mind and your body. I understand the key "appreciating" as a way of focusing other things and other people instead of you. But I would not highlight it too much, because there may be the risk that when you are focusing on other people, you forgot to focus on yourself. I think that the most important thing at first is to listen your feelings; what do you want and what do you need to make yourself happy. When you know that, you should stick to that. I do not know do you have to have all those things alright to be happy. Maybe not. But if you are not happy you can think about those keys and maybe find out a reason to your unhappiness or if you are bored you maybe need just some trying out or direction.

How many really follow those keys, after all? I admit that I have a lot to improve. Especially thinking positive is sometimes so hard for me, but maybe I just have not do enough to reach that goal. However, there's a great list and you are the final key your own happiness. At least, I think that I'm an obstacle of my own happiness.

Parents' affect their children's behavior

Children model everything a parent does and include what they see into their own lives. Parent's behavioral models have a huge impact to a child's development. That's why it's important that parents pay attention to their own acting in different kinds of situations. (Erickson 2014.)


It is not a child's fault in every case if he or she behaves badly, because children model their parents' behavior in several situations. It's parents job to care about their children and raise them as good and proper humans. It's parents job to pay attention to how their behavior may effect to their children. It's parents job to think about what kind of behavior is suitable among their children. It's parent's job to be interested in their children and tell them what's wrong and what's right. It's parents job to act in accordance with their advice and rules that they have set and told to their children.

Every parent needs to focus on their children because no one can raise the children on behalf of them. So please spend time with your children, be creative, have fun and listen to your children but be the parent not a friend to your children. Do you know what I mean by saying that? 

What is bullying?

Bullying is unwelcome behavior by a person or group directed towards a less powerful person or group. It is repeated behavior that can be verbal, physical, social or psychological. The purpose of bullying is to cause harm, distress or fear towards the harassed. (Department of Education and Early Childhood Development 2014.)

I wrote about violence in the earlier article. I think that bullying is one format of violence because the bully causes harm, distress or fear towards the harassed by calling him or her names or pushing or hitting him or her. There are similarities in violence and bullying, but what is the difference then? I think that bullying has more different kinds of forms compared to violence. 

Bullying is more than doing verbal or physical harm towards the victim. Spreading rumors and social exclusion are also the forms of bullying. Bullying also takes place in the internet besides the external environment. It can be either direct or indirect. (Bullying Statistics 2013.) The violence instead, is in my opinion always direct, like hitting, pushing etc. and verbal, like disparaging the other person. 

It is sad, how much people are bullying other people. It is sad that people has to use violence towards other people. Luckily, there are people who care and lots of different kinds of campaigns against it. But what else can we do to stop the bullying and violence? Maybe, there will be always bullying and violence, but I think that working hard to prevent that, provides results. Have you done anything to prevent bullying or violence?

I found a blog that deals more about bullying and violence: Word against violence. 

The video below is made of 5th grade students. I found it on Youtube and wanted to add it at the end of this article.

Violence

I'm interested in people's behavior and the reasons why they behave in a certain way. I've noticed in this week a couple of articles that deal with the violence that focused on women. One article concerned a woman who had taken a photo of herself in every day over a certain period. She had done a video of those photos and watching that video man notices that the woman is battered. I think that there are several of this kind of videos. At least, I remember that I've seen a similar kind of video earlier. Of course, violence is an important issue to pay attention to and that woman who had done the video may give courage to other women who has gone through the same treatment to bring it up and share their experiences and feelings about it.

The other article that I saw handled a test that has executed by a fighting actor couple. The actor couple fought in a elevator. The woman was a victim and the man was an intimating party in that scene. The group who had organized this test wanted to solve how many of the third persons get involved in the situation. Through this test were noticed that majority of people that were in the elevator at same time as the actor couple did not to get involved in the situation. The sample in this included 53 persons and only one of them got involved in the situation (Cresci 2014). The purpose of this test was good, but what if the people did not want to get involved because they thought it would be wiser to not to get involved. That does not mean that they would not care. That shows that they care about their own safety and feel it to be wiser not to react in the elevator, but perharps later after they've left from the elevator they contacted to police or told someone about the situation. But if people did not care and did not tell anyone after they left, then this is a problem. Then we can ask form ourselves: Why are we so impassive? We should not. What if you get a victim of violence from someone in a public place and nobody reacts? There's something to think about. For every one. 

While there's discussion about the violence that focuses on women, the men get angry. They get angry because they feel that the men are going through violence as much as the women. I saw lately a new about a boy that was bullied in a school because he was too normal as a person. He was treated with a physical violence. Of course this kind of news are presented quite often but bullying is violence, that leaves scars in a harassed. This new was sad because the teasers said him that they would be happy if he is dead. How can someone say anything like that? What is wrong with those people? Can't they realize that harassed won't forget those experiences and they impact to his life in a long run? Maybe he would really kill himself. Do the teasers really want to that happen? The parents need to take a responsible of their children. That kind of behavior is not acceptable. Do you ever wonder what kind of persons would that kind of teasers grow if no one gets involved? 

This is a sad topic but I really hope that the people who are not treated well get the treatment that they deserve from someone and have the believe and zest of life to continue forward in spite of all the bad things that have happened in their life and, the most important, they should have lots of love.

The inequality between the women and the men

Let's talk about equality. The importance of equality is emphasized nowadays in several countries. Finland is an equal country in theory but there are still a number of issues that are unequal between the women and the men. The wages of men are higher than women. They are not the same amount even if she does same work than he. So, women and men may have the same job description and the same job title but the wages between the women and the men are different. That's wrong. I do not understand how can man say that we are an equal country when the differences between the woman and the men are obvious in a working life? There is something to think about and needed to be fix because as a woman I would like to have the same wage as my male colleague. 

But what else is not equal between the women and the men? I think that men involve in house work and are interested in their looks, but I would not generalize those characteristics to all men. It is though great that men are interested in house works and their looks. The appearance of the pressure are not only women's problem, but also some of the men's problem. With those things the difference of the women and men are not very big. Man can always find abnormalities though. Not every woman likes to do house work or cares about her looks. In some cases man can notice that some men cares about their looks more than some women and are better at doing house works. (I do not have a proof about that claim that some men are better at doing house work but that something I've heard...) It is not a bad thing though as long as a woman feels herself a woman and she does not have to compete with men when it comes to an objective to look good. What a nightmare would that be when men look better than us? I do not wish that to happen. 

But what else is not equal between the women and the men? The women has an opportunity (and an obligation) to educate themselves and to make a great career in Finland, which is great but do employees employ the woman on the same grounds as they would have employed the man? It is not a long time ago when I heard the news about the difference of employing a woman and a man. There was told that the majority of employers prefer hiring a man, even if a woman would has exactly the same conditions to get the job. So, the women have to do more job applications than men.

As a woman I feel the equality as an important issue that needs to pay attention to. The grievances of the equality are the issues that need to be fixed. Of course, it is great that there are several issues that are equal, but why not to obey the equality when making the decisions of an employment, for example? The idea of this text became when I saw a video of gender inequality presented by Emma Watson. It is a good speech with an important message and important points. Watching that video you may see the things in a new perspective or get something to think about. 

How to face different kinds of cultures?

Now, I've got stuck to texts that deal with cultural differences... Don't worry though because I will write about other issues, too.

So, I wrote earlier three texts, that dealed with the strengths of Finland, a stereotype of a Finnish person and their way of expressing feelings. Because I'm a Finnish person, it seems natural to tell things about Finnish culture and people. Finland is a small country but it have definitely its own culture and traditions. A unique culture contain behavioral models or habits which may be very different compared to the other country's culture.

Preparation? I think it's important to prepare yourself to meet different kinds of cultures. Man can find information about books, internet or by his or her acquaintances. Knowing the Generic Standards of Behaviour are momentous. Following those standards it is easier to adapt yourself to a foreign country and tell the representative of a foreign culture that you respect their behavioral models or habits. It is good to know, the people's personal space in different cultures because the Finnish people prefer quite a large distance compared to South Europeans, for example. It is also good to know how to greet. In Finland we greet handshakes. Greeting with cheek kisses is so abnormal for us. That's why, we never do so. The conversations of Finnish people may also include quiet moments but that's completely normal in our culture. We do not talk over the other person. We also listen what the other person has to say. So, there was a little more information about us...

So, remember to prepare yourself to face a representative of other culture because with a good preparation you may avoid yourself from awkward moments. Adapting a foreign country ways, you  also show your respect to that culture.

The difficulty of expressing feelings

I wrote about the difficulty of Finnish people to express their feelings in the article "A stereotypical Finnish person". There have been a discussion that the expressing feelings does not just belong to Finnish culture. We are used to holding back our emotions and feelings. Holding back emotions do not sound very nice, but the things like crying or hugging are just so untypical for us to do publicly. Crying gives us a sense of shame, which does not feel very nice. Expressing feelings is not forbidden though, most of us just does not want to do that publicly. It belongs mostly to our personal life and personal relationships.

There's a stereotype of a Finnish man. According the stereotype a Finnish man is uncommunicative and lacking skills of communication. This is a generalization and just a stereotype that someone has created. If you are watching for example a Finnish movie "Paha maa" of Aku Louhimies, you will notice lots of that kind of uncommunicative behavior or communication that lacks constructive debate. Of course, the movie is intentionally very dark movie that do not give very happy image of us. Bringing those things up, like violence and alcoholism are though important issues to deal with.

I added a clip of the movie "Paha maa" (2005). The movie has won 8 prizes in a Finnish film gala "Jussi-gaala". The sound of the clip is very low but you can see pretty well visually what happens in the clip.